I am behind in nearly every possible way

Learning to live with two children has been an interesting experience.  I feel constantly behind in everything.  I can't seem to get a grasp on anything.  I get one thing accomplished, but there are 20 things still to do.  My children are not neglected but a lot of other things are. 

Christmas cards?  Ha.  People are lucky they got them at all.  I used to make them by hand and even after Karina was born I would put pictures in them.  This year some were last year's hand made ones from a card-making get-together and some were just cheap store-bought cards.  I don't do the cute photo online ones.  I really prefer to make them, but crafting?  That just doesn't happen these days. 

Keeping in touch with important friends?  Not happening very well.  Whenever I think of calling someone, I can't for some reason or other at that moment, and by the time I might be able to, I've forgotten.  I can't get anything done when Elena's awake because she needs me to be monitoring her.  She is in to everything and keeps trying to do whatever Karina is doing, some of which is dangerous for a baby (though not necessarily for an almost 4 year old).  So I can't leave her alone for more than a minute or so, like to throw in a load of laundry or something.  So friends aren't being called, written to, or even texted half the time.  My former neighbor who moved voluntarily to a nursing home, I keep wanting to call him but every time I start to, it's when he's got dialysis.  Then I think, it's been so long, how lame am I for letting it go?  I just need to call him but I'm embarrassed now for letting it go.  Sigh. 

My house is a mess.  Every room I enter has things that need to be cleaned, put away, or organized.  My new craft room is amazing but it's still being organized and is a mess.  I still can't get a lot done in there.  My bedroom--don't get me started.  Everything that doesn't have a place gets chucked in here "temporarily" and months later it hasn't budged.  Because my body changed when I had the girls, almost every piece of clothing I own no longer fits, so I have about 5 bags full of clothes that need to be donated sitting along one wall.  Been there for months.  Karina's room is full of books and toys everywhere.  I kind of expect that, but it is still stressful to know there are things that should be getting cleaned up in there but aren't.  Elena's room is no better.  When Karina was a baby, every load of diapers or clothes was carefully and neatly folded and put away.  Elena's get dumped on the floor so I can reuse the laundry basket on another load.  The poor baby is lucky if her diapers get stuffed into their bins.  When she's awake, we're playing downstairs with Karina.  When she's asleep, she's in that room.  I clean the kitchen every morning when I get up, as I'm making breakfast, and throughout the day, and I do the bathrooms weekly while Bill watches the girls.  They are the only rooms that remain clean, if not tidy. 

Karina wants me to play with her, but if I do, Elena gets into whatever we're doing and Karina gets frustrated.  Elena is trying so hard to be part of whatever Karina is doing, but she's still too little to play along very well, so I have to spend our together time pulling Elena away from makers, crayons, dolls, cars, and other things.  I try to encourage Karina to play with things Elena can play with too, but there's a limit to how long she can stand to do that, and I don't think it's fair to keep making her play with babyish things.  So I don't make her do it for too long.  It's just hard finding a good middle ground. 

Decorating the Christmas tree was a fiasco.  We had to do it when Elena was napping, in chunks, and then fortunately Karina put most of the ornaments on.  Then three days later the lights burned out.  All of them.  The whole lot.  They were old incandescent bulbs from when I was single.  I had been wanting to replace them for a long time with LEDs because of how cool they burn (rather than hot) so that if Karina (or Elena) touched one they would not get burned.  So I did get to replace them but it meant taking everything off the tree and then putting it all back on.  Poor Karina, she decorated that tree twice.  Thank goodness for her help, really, because the dumb tree probably still wouldn't be decorated. 

Well, at least Karina's birthday party for friends is over and went well.  The tree is up, the presents are wrapped, and I'm done shopping (thanks to the time Karina's in preschool).  I'm in bed with my feet up and my sweet girls are sleeping, here at home, where they belong.  And that's the most important thing.    


For oh, Connecticut, my heart is breaking.  I simply can't bear thinking about it too closely or for too long.  It is just too much pain to take in all at once. 

I hope that all of you, so close to Christmas, or celebrating other special holidays or days, are giving thanks for all we have, and keeping the world in your thoughts or prayers.  It's not just Connecticut that needs it.  It's all of us.