When I was a kid, between the ages of about 10 and 20, we had a great dog, I adored him. I loved that dog so much I couldn't even imagine loving anything more (of course now I can but that's beside the point). I used to lay in bed at night and worry about how awful it would be when this dog eventually and inevitably died. I would cry myself to sleep over it. Looking back, it was such a waste of time and emotional energy, but I couldn't help it.
Fast forward to my life now, with two sweet girls. Not dogs. Actual children, who I love more than my own life. A million, trillion times more than I loved that dog (I still keep photos of that dog up around my home, I loved him so dearly). I find myself doing the same kind of thing, no not the scary what if they die stuff, because that is just too much. No, I start thinking about how quickly they are growing up. How Karina's not a little baby anymore. How she's growing SO fast.
So today, I got to sleep in a little later than usual. I did wake up at 630 (Thanks, Elena) but drifted back off. I'm not sure if I was completely asleep and dreaming, or if I was just half asleep and sort of half dreaming, half imagining. I'll call it dreaming just for ease of writing. So I started dreaming about what it might be like when Karina is older, a teenager. Coming into the kitchen for breakfast, dressed all crazy, like punky sort of 80s teens. In my dream, I'm making sure she's not wearing anything risque, inappropriate, that sort of thing. I imagine her saying good morning, but grudgingly. (She would do it because she's polite, you know.) And then suddenly, in the middle of this dream of Karina the teenager, just as she's sitting down to the kitchen table, she becomes superimposed over Karina the 4 year old, sitting at the table the way she does now. I see Karina the imaginary teen, and Karina as she is now, but in the dream it's like 4 year old Karina is only a memory of her as a little girl. I was awake so fast, BAWLING my brains out! What a horrible way to wake up!
I hope I have explained that image well enough for you to imagine. Sort of like in the movies, when they do those weird flashbacks, think "Father of the Bride" type stuff. Yeah. Exactly.
I have to find a way to stop doing this to myself because I can't spend the rest of my life doing this. It's dumb. It's annoying, and it bothers me. And apparently it also ruins the one morning I get to sleep late!
Parents who might be reading this, does this kind of thing happen to you? How do you make it stop???
2 comments:
I haven't had that exact situation but I certainly have had dreams and worries and concerns where my mind went off and running like that!
I have a teenage son but I never had a dream like that, however I remember this nightmare I had of him, he was very little, like 2 years old and was walking towards a sinking hole and I couldn't stop him, I woke up crying, it was a very horrible nightmare. The good thing is that I never had it again, hopefully you won't have those dreams anymore.
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