I want it all

Okay bear with me.  I have a cold and my thoughts are all over the place.  I started this post in my head, in the shower, where I do my best thinking.  Okay, my only thinking.  Most of the time my thinking involves things like, "Where's Elena's sippy now?"  "You spilled what?" "I don't know where the dolly shoe went, where did you leave it?" and so on.  Anyway, my train of thought is kind of like a train that derails, speeds off into the countryside, then over a mountain, under the ocean, transforms into a submarine, discovers Atlantis, and eventually just crashes because the shower ends. 

I find myself thinking sometimes, when not being inundated by child needs, things like, "I would really like a new pair of shoes," or "I would love if our house was more like this," or "I wish my car...." you get the idea.  I want.  I want I want I want.  And it's true, I'm sad to say.  I do want.  I usually think of myself as a pretty decent person, but this line of thinking bothers me.  I don't want to want. So I was thinking about this tonight, and then Tom Petty's song "You Want It All" popped into my head and of course I LOVE Tom Petty.  The song lyrics are partially (and no surprise here or anything but if you could hear the music in your head it would be so much better!), "You want it all.  You want it alllllllllllllllll all or nothing."  And that made me think about Tom Petty and how maybe his lyrics should have been, "You want it all FOR nothing" but then, of course, I think Tom Petty's lyrics are already perfect, so how could I want them to change?  Which led to a whole tangent in my head about Tom Petty's total awesomeness, but not in a hot celebrity kind of way, more like a "your lyrics speak to me now as much as they did when my dad introduced me to your music when I was like 12 and they spoke to me immediately and I have been your fan since then and gush gush gush I just love Tom Petty."  No really, I was thinking all of this in my head.

Then I started wondering about the whole wanting things thing again.  And wondering who I could blame for me wanting things all the time, because these days nothing is my fault.  So, I settled on human nature.  And because Karina was recently watching the Disney movie of Pocahontas, which I know is not historically accurate and I have no problem with that at all, but that movie makes me cry with that beautiful song and  because of what happened to the people who lived here when the Europeans came over.  (I am loving run-on sentences tonight!)  So, Pocahontas, the Europeans, hey, they wanted it all, too; look, they even wanted a whole continent and basically took it, so there's my excuse:  it's human nature.

I left out the rest of the Pocahontas tangent (about how I told Karina that Pocahontas was a real person, lived relatively near here, and didn't marry John Smith, and then about how I did not tell her that she did go to England like in the 2nd movie (which we also have and which she was also watching), and she married John Rolfe and had a baby and died at like 21 or something because the English germs killed her.  Wasn't it a cold or something stupid like that that killed her? I can't remember.  So sad, makes me cry.  See? See what I mean about that train derailing?).  And now I didn't leave it out after all, ha ha!

And then I got out of the shower and came in here.  Crash. 

So I'm still left wondering why I am constantly thinking of things I want.  Is it because we're wired that way?  Because we're inundated with images of things that are "better" than what we already have?  Is it because I'm selfish and shallow?  I don't think I am, but maybe I am. 

Anyway, I just had to write a post and it's been a long time since my last one, and this was what I was thinking about tonight during my "free" time. 

I'm going to try to control those "I want" type thoughts when I notice them.  I try to be happy with things the way they are.  I have a fantastic life, people, I mean really.  I've got it good.  I have two ADORABLE children, a loving husband who provides for our family and works so that I can stay home to raise those adorable girls, I have a home--a nice home, and I don't mean nice like mansion nice, I mean middle class, regular folks nice--I live in a great neighborhood, I am able to send Karina to preschool, I live near my mother who I love dearly and my grandmother who is aging; my dad and my brother aren't far; my brother's getting married soon and I'm happy about that.  I have all the best things in life, basically.  Maybe I have so much great stuff that my brain is totally fried.  Or maybe I should just stop going to the mall during preschool time and go home instead!